When you’ve outgrown the old but the new is not yet here

When you’ve outgrown the old but the new is not yet here, you can find yourself in a void of the unknown. This space often comes with fear, doubt, frustration, and sadness. Over the past 7 years, I’ve grown into a new version of myself, which took sacrifice and courage. Recently, someone asked me for advice on how to navigate transformation.

This is what I shared helped me:

Honouring what I truly want in each moment

My preferences shifted and it took time to get used to. Things became easier when I stopped judging myself for not wanting to have ‘fun’ and stopped wishing that things were different.

Learning to express my boundaries kindly

While I was judging myself for being a stay at home granny, I was partly also projecting onto others that they wouldn’t understand and that they would perceive my desire for solitude as a rejection. With time, I learned to express my boundaries without feeling conflicted. In retrospect I can see that the times when I thought others wouldn’t understand me, I did not understand myself yet. Once I came to a place of peace with this new version of me, I no longer needed others to understand me as much :)

Solitude

Solitude offered a space to explore myself without being influenced by others. Later, solitude also helped me integrate what I was learning more deeply- resulting in healing and growth. I’d go from intense social experience (a training or retreat) to at least a week of solo time.

Travelling (for a long time!)

This helped me break patterns with my environment and created more space for the new version of me.

Self-development modules

During that year (and still after), I engaged in a lot of self-development modules and continuous self-reflection, helping me connect more deeply with myself and my path: tantra, vipassana, yoga, shadow work, breathwork, etc. It has brought a lot of growth, clarity and inspiration.

Allowing myself to mourn the old version of me

Though I was waiting to get out, the moment it happened I started feeling a deep sadness for leaving behind my old life and the old version of me. Knowing that this time of my life and that version of me is over and never coming back.

Don’t try to figure it all out at once

I didn’t know what this was leading to, nor did I feel I needed to know. As long as I knew my immediate next step and had the means to survive the next three months, I felt secure. Often we try finding safety by figuring out the whole path beforehand or knowing the end goal — but this limits your luck and expansion! Life is a co-creation with something bigger than you. You have to allow the universe some space to do its magic.

Going all in!

Quitting my job opened up a whole lot of space for me to receive what wanted to move into my life. If something aligned crossed my path, I could say yes without restriction. It allowed me to create more with less and take the time to fully integrate my experiences. Often we are inclined to play it safe by just taking a few weeks to do this or that training or starting a business on the side. But before you know it, you're back in the same grind (or still stuck in the same grind) and nothing fundamentally changed. When you go all in, all of your creative power is focused in one direction and you are fully able to receive whatever gifts are being thrown at you. 

Always keep taking that next step

Don’t get comfortable and don’t wait until you feel ready. I didn’t feel ready when I started teaching. I made it a habit to always take that next step beyond my comfort zone — big enough to feel a little nervous, but not so big that fear takes the best of me. This attitude has supported my growth immensely.

Seek guidance

It can be deeply supportive to have someone guiding you during emotionally turbulent times. I began speaking with a life coach who happened to be an astrologer. For the first time in my life, I had a spiritual mentor. Such an enrichment! Through her, I began having yearly astrology readings which helped me see things from a wider perspective. Astrology has helped me navigate uncertainty and lean more fully into risk and the unknown. It strengthened my trust in my inner guidance, as it often aligned with the readings.

Keep checking in with yourself and your values

Tantra came to me through a moment of inspiration — I didn’t know what it was or what it meant, only that it would be important in my life and that I wanted to share it with others. I started following some Tantra teachers on Instagram who seemed to live the perfect life. For a while, my ego ran with it. I imagined myself living their perfect life and thought that was the goal. But then I returned to myself: I don’t care about being overly rich, famous, or having thousands of followers. I care about living by my values every single day, being of service to others, and finding contentment in simplicity. Stay your course.