My story
This is what I want to study for myself, what I would like to share with the world - and especially with women so that all women can feel like me in this moment.”
“Tantra, this is it!
The day it all started
The day this thought came to my mind, is the day that my Tantra journey began.
It was a day like any other - with the only difference that I felt intensified energy moving through my body, both sexually and emotionally. I was not sure what to make of it and simply continued my day. After work that day, I met a friend at a park. It was one of the very first warm Spring days in Berlin and it seemed like everyone was outside. The intensified energetic experience continued: I sensed the sexual polarity with every single man I crossed that day; whether I was attracted to them or not. As you maybe can imagine, this was quite overwhelming and therefore I experienced it as something uncomfortable.
When I came home that evening, I went straight into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. That moment, I saw myself in a way that I’ve never seen before. More than ever I noticed the spark in my eyes and my whole face seemed to be beaming with light. I smiled at the beauty I saw and laughed at the fact that I hadn’t quite seen it that way before. The insecurities that I was dealing with at the time seemed like a joke to me. I felt an immense love for myself and this body. I later described this experience as ‘seeing myself through the eyes of God’ - and through the eyes of God, I saw myself as divine.
After this intense surge of self-love, it suddenly dawned upon me: ‘Tantra, this is it! This is what I want to study for myself, what I want to share with the world and especially with women so that all women can feel like me in this moment.’ And so my endless quest began…
At that time, I had no clue what Tantra is.
Winter 2020
Or, where to start my journey. I had honestly no idea of what I was looking for other than a teacher, who’s authentic, has deep wisdom and carries a lineage that reaches back to its classical roots. Till this day, I have not found my Guru (yet) - but I have learned a lot from a variety of modern Tantra teachers.
I started with a year long online program with Michael Boehm during the corona quarantine time. Though I had learned a lot, it hadn’t answered any of my initial questions about Tantra. 1,5 years after my mirror-moment, I felt very strongly in my system that I couldn't continue living the same old life. Tantra was calling me and I decided to answer: I quit my job, packed my bags and left for a year-long journey into the unknown, trying to unravel the mysteries of Tantra.
A year of self-discovery
On my journey, I completed several teacher training courses focused on direct experience, sat down for my second Vipassana, deepened my asana practice with a wonderful Indian teacher, and joined my main Tantra teacher (Ma Ananda Sarita) for several of her retreats. I joined other Tantra retreats and festivals to get a taste of how it was taught by others. And, since I was on a roll, I went onto explore other healing- and spiritual modalities. I would alternate between being immersed in a group process with time by myself to integrate the experience.
This intense time of self-practice has had a profound healing effect. Already within the first weeks, I spontaneously heard myself saying ‘I love you’ to my mum - something that I had never said before since in my family this is a silent assumption. It subtly but surely helped me release the protection held around my heart since grieving the death of my father as a teenager. It helped me become aware of my avoidant tendencies and supported me in creating new imprints. It guided me to re-establish a deep connection with my body and heart after years of approaching sexuality through unconscoius egoic needs. I released physical, emotional and mental stagnation while increasing my capacity to hold it all, both pleasure and pain. It created a deep sense of safety within my own being.
Missing pieces of the puzzle
Though I was noticing the profound healing effects, I carried a lingering disappointment. Something in me knew that there is so much more to Tantra that no one even seemed to be talking about. It had been my deep spiritual yearning that brought me to Tantra and that yearning wasn’t fully being met.
I was about to return to Berlin. Though I still had to finish one of my trainings later that year, I knew that it meant that I had to start teaching. I had already made some experiences teaching- hosting my first classes in Thailand and facilitating a workshop for a group of hundred people at the Goa Tantra Festival. I knew that I was able to share a valuable experience but putting myself out there as a Tantra teacher felt too big of a stretch. I felt like I had only scratched the surface of this ancient tradition.
Was I ready to start teaching? My self-doubt made space for deep trust just before I returned back to Europe.
Traditional Ayurvedic hospital, Kerala India
A blessing came my way just towards the end of my travels. I got to meet a renowned traditional Vedic astrologer. I was undergoing a 28-day ayurvedic cleanse (Panchakarma). Many people there recommended that I speak with him as he had given them a lot of clarity on their life’s purpose. I came in with high expectations but what happened in those 45 minutes went way above what I had could have imagined.
I had not known then that Vedic astrologers speak with conviction about future events as well as past lives. Without knowing me or my story, he told me that I am a Tantrika since birth and that I committed myself to a series of lives in which I explore a different aspect of the Tantra in each. His timeline about my life till that point had totally matched the actual events which allowed me to trust his insight. I cried tears of… joy, recognition, wonder and gratitude.
It gave me the last bit of courage that I needed to step into the role of a Tantra Teacher. Even though I don’t know yet all there is to know about Tantra, I am committed to eternally dive deeper into its wisdom. I might not be perfect in everything I do and say, but I accept this as a part of my journey. It’s an intrinsic part of every human journey for that matter. We all came here to explore, learn, expand and remember through leaning into what is yet to be known.
Weaving new and old together
After this intense period of self-discovery through, what I later understood, mostly modern Tantra practices, I started finding the resources to dive deeper into the classical tradition. I came to understand that modern Tantra is something quite different from traditional Tantra. This does not mean that modern Tantra has no value - it is of tremendous value. My personal growth and healing are a proof of it. Though, I believe it is the responsibility of any teacher claiming to teach Tantra, to be aware of this difference in order not to further add to the confusion and in honour of this all encompassing spiritual tradition.
My promise as a Tantra teacher
I desire to bridge the gap between what people expect of Tantra, the different directions of modern Tantra as well as the classical tradition. It is my aim to provide answers and clarity. For that reason, it has been very important for me to stay close to what I want to bring into the world from my heart as a way of self-discovery and -expression. Currently my workshops and retreats involve modern tantra practices, weaved together by the awe inspiring traditional philosophy while addressing themes that are relevant for modern seekers and practitioners.
I am committed to continue developing myself as a modern Tantra teacher (diving deep into the principles of love, sex and relationship) while going deeper into my own spiritual practice guided by the tradition. The first will continue to be fuelled and inspired by the latter.
I vow to show up with humbleness and honesty, knowing that as a human I carry ignorance and might never grasp the highest truths. While at the same time, never shying away from claiming my power- the power that comes from knowing that I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I am supposed to do and that in this dharma, I am supported.
What I love about teaching Tantra
So many of my interests and passions are met in my work. I get to endlessly study the topics of love, sex and spirituality. I get to bring in my passion for creating experiences and hosting people (one of the reason why I studied hotel management), and my love for creating beautiful, comfortable and ascetically pleasing spaces now gets to be expressed beyond my own home (Thank the Goddess for Tantra being the path of ascetics rather than acetic).
Though what I love the absolute most is the love that I get to experience and witness. Whether I am teaching a short workshop, private session or multi day retreat - the opening always happens. I love how my work inspires love for Self and others. I’m immensely grateful that I get to create and hold these spaces. Hearing about the lasting positive effects that people experience through this work is the greatest affirmation about why I do what I do. Thank you for being here!
Tantra has guided me back to myself and empowers me to express that self out into the world. It continues to inspire me to celebrate life in all of its colours, to feel a deep sense of connection to one and all, and to choose love, again and again.
It would by honour to be a part of your journey towards a deeper knowing of yourself and a life that is authentic, guided by love and rooted in sovereignty. From this place of being, magic unfolds - seeping into all aspects of life; your relationships and beyond.
Now, what about your journey?
I'm curious!
Now that you’ve learned a bit more about me, I’d love to know more about you. Who are you, what has brought you here and what is it that you are looking for?
I look forward to meeting you! <3